Reflection

Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.
Leon J. Suenes


Once again, been a while since I've written anything, becoming a habit... I got into a conversation at work today about my past; stupid things I've done and interesting parts of my story. It got me to thinking, I need to do more.

Isaac, the two year old, has croupe. So last night, I put him to bed and I lay down and read for a few minutes before I feel the complete exaustion overwhelming me. Cody, our dog, decided he wanted to sleep in our room at the foot of the bed, and not wanting to be the huge prick who kicks the poor, unloved dog out of the bedroom where he entertains his only sense of belonging and love (am I reading too much into this?), I decide to leave him in the room even though I am worried he'll make the noises he has made every other time I've tried this and wake me up. I'm a pretty light sleeper and I can't go back to sleep once I wake up, so disturbing my sleep is a pretty big no no. This is why when we had our baby Isaac, Audrey was much more frequent in getting up in the middle of the night to attend to him (change diapers). It's not my fault, it's just the way I was made.

Anyway, so I fall asleep and sure enough I wake up 1 hour later or less to Cody, the dog, barking in his sleep and breathing hard. He was either being chased by a big dog, chasing a squirrel, or having crazy dog love... I don't know, but whatever the case, it woke me up, so I got up and kicked him out of the room and laid back down.

Miraculously, I fell back asleep in about 30 minutes, and sure enough about 30 minutes to an hour after that Isaac gets up and comes in our room because he can't sleep due to the Croupe that makes it hard to breathe at night, calling for mommy.

Mommy, AKA Audrey, had to be up at 3 to go to work so I heroically leapt from the bed, barely having a chance to grab my cape, and whisked Isaac out of the room. Knowing the tricks of the trade, I cuddled him and offered a little bit of Thomas the Train to soothe his weary mind. It turned out that Thomas was a short fix.

I laid back in bed and about an hour and a half later (me still awake...actually praying and half conciously enjoying it), here comes Isaac again calling for Mommy. This time I kicked my feet and threw a small tantrum, so audrey gets up and puts on a movie for him and comes back. It's now 2am, Audrey has to be up at 3, and I was planning on getting up at 5 to work out on the trainer. Going to sleep is pretty much a joke at this point so we both got up and had some coffee. AT about 4am Isaac finally went to bed, Audrey was at work, and I went and rode the trainer in front of the Tv for an hour and a half....what a night!

Then, I had to go to work, so needless to say today was a bit of a struggle.

But regardless of that, back to where I was headed, I need to do more with myself. I've fallen into a pit of acceptance and have not been striving for a while now. The only way my life can really be fulfilled is if I am striving to accomplish what I can, be everything I can be and enjoy every moment.

I can be a great racer. This is one example. I know I can be great because with little training really and a very poor diet I do pretty well. To do really well, I need only to have some discipline (which, if I'm not mistaken, is what I allegedly picked up in military school, lowe these many years ago).

I need discipline in my diet. No coffee, no alcohol (or only occasionally), and less fat and sugar.

Discipline. Working out every day, following the training plan.

Discipline. That's what I need, that's what I want and that's exactly what I know I have. So now the hard part: I have to exercise it.

Isn't life a piece of work?