Struggle

Well...

Today was a bit of a struggle. I ran 10 miles this morning with my wife, at first my shins were hurting really bad, but as the run went on my legs got to feeling better. That wasn't the struggle.

The struggle is this; Even when we get what we want, we sometimes can't even recognize it and block out the rest of our thoughts long enough to enjoy it!

Here I am with the exact situation I have been praying for, and every day I seem to screw up my enjoyment of it with doubt and fear. It's incredible! So I put my one year old in his pajamas and headed for the YMCA at 630 tonight to swim. No more excuses! I have the time to pursue what I love, now I just need to recognize that, set aside the stresses of other areas of my life and do what I know I want to do.

I think God is probably laughing at me down here, saying, "I'm giving you exactly what you've been asking for, and still you worry and complain!" If I were God, I'd be laughing at me, I know that much. It's like the joke/story about the guy who is drowning, and every time someone comes along to save him he says, 'no thanks, God will save me'. And then he dies and says, "Hey, why didn't you save me God?" and God says, "I sent you a boat and a log and..." etc.

Except he's saying, "I gave you the time, and you had the money..."

Life is surely funny. In any case, I did run 10 miles and swim 1200 meters today, so I'm happy with the outcome, just not with my attitude during parts of the journey. After all, if you can't enjoy this moment, what have you got?